| fuck |
[Dec. 14th, 2009|08:27 pm] |
I can’t do well when I think you’re gonna leave me, but I know I try
Are you gonna leave me now
Can't you be believing now? |
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| 9 days |
[Dec. 11th, 2009|01:24 pm] |
why won't the heater in my room give off some heat.
Gray, quiet and tired and mean
Picking at a worried seam
Itry to make you mad at me over the phone.
Red eyes and fire and signs
I'm taken by a nursery rhyme
I want to make a ray of sunshine and never leave home
No amount of coffee, no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey, no amount of wine
No, nothing else will do
I've gotta have you, I've gotta have you.
The road gets cold, there's no spring in the middle this year
I'm the new chicken clucking open hearts and ears
Oh, such a prima donna, sorry for myself
But green, it is also summer
And I won't be warm till I'm lying in your arms
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 10th, 2009|11:51 pm] |
i miss you and i am so proud of you.
I know how hard you've been training and you deserve it so much. i'm so happy for you. |
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| The trouble with love is |
[Dec. 9th, 2009|01:05 am] |
I always manage to suppress my emotions. with everything that's happened in my life it's practically like an auto-immune response.
But it's not working now. The past week, it's like i'm now immuno-compromised. I am trying so hard to distract myself. But maybe it's not working cause this is my punishment. I just have to bear it and I don't have a choice. It was my mistake.
I realised that somehow, I've come to need you. I hate this dependency. I feel like I'm a quivering emotional wreck. And that's just not me. I'm not an emotionally-dependent person.
Today, I woke up and felt like I was having an anxiety attack. All of a sudden it felt like everything in my life was so utterly messed up. There wasn't a reason behind it or anything. I can't even explain it. I don't think I've ever experienced aything like it. It was the scariest thing and my head was spinning when i closed my eyes. I couldn't eat or sleep or sit still. my heart was beating so fast and i couldn't seem to slow it down. I honestly felt so desperate and helpless. I couldn't do anything to make the feeling go away. I thought I was going insane. This must be how crazy people feel.
And right at that moment I realised I needed to hear your voice so badly. It didn't even matter what we would talk about. When you called and told me about your day, I felt a wave of relief rush over me. Instantly I felt like I could breathe properly again, and I can't even describe the sense of comfort I felt. When you had to hang up, I cried.
I know there's nothing we can do. And this is gonna be the way it has to be for the next 6 to 8 years.
I'm too lost in you
Caught in you
Lost in everything about you
So deep, I can't sleep
I can't think
I just think about the things that you do
I'm too lost in you
Sometimes nothing says it better than mindless pop. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 2nd, 2009|04:19 pm] |
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this is fucking killing me. |
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